Kaeli O’Brien, Funeral Director

“We’re not the scary people,” said Kaeli O’Brien, a Funeral Director in Syracuse, NY.

She realizes that she’s not the stereotypically cold, gaunt, and spooky figure that one might imagine when picturing a funeral director.

“Most people think I’m a secretary,” she joked (and that’s fine, she clarified).

Kaeli explained that professionals like her miss holidays, they step up during dire times like the COVID-19 pandemic, and they overall dedicate their lives to the public year-round. 

Yet death care workers may be overlooked as first responders, such as when, at the last minute, they were added to the essential workers list for the first round of COVID-19 vaccinations.

“We just usually aren’t considered until we’re needed,” said Kaeli.

And yet death care is a community-wide effort that coordinates between churches, cemeteries, hospitals, and more. Many different professionals play their part. Consider police officers even! For example, they do have to “declare someone dead” so that arrangements may proceed and foul play is ruled out.

“Hospice workers are angels on Earth,” added Kaeli.

Some of our best people are confronting the hardest parts about life, so we can sleep a little easier. It may relax us even more to meet these people.

“Get to know your community,” said Kaeli. It can be very reassuring to realize how many people want to help. You can even take it a step further. “Know what you can do to be a part of it,” she said. 

So, what path did Kaeli take in doing her part?

Discovery channel’s reality show Dr. G: Medical Examiner initially inspired her (death care is otherwise generally inaccurate on TV). An AS degree in Mortuary Science from Hudson Valley Community College equipped her. 

She began by dabbling in the field, doing a year-long residency at a funeral home. Then, she became a funeral director. Kaeli strived to be more “family facing” with her work. Then, she further realized the importance of what she does.

“I would absolutely consider us to be event planners,” she said. That’s a simpler way of looking at it, but the pressure is still on! “You get one chance to do it right,” she said.

It’s highly advised to plan your send-off party before you go. 

“The most important piece overall is to begin the conversation,” said Kaeli.

Most people aren’t prepared at all. Fear may make people avoid pre-arrangements. But that preparation eases conflict and stress during a painful time for your loved ones.

Afterall, “Funerals are for the people that are still with us.” 

This grieving process is so important that Kaeli sees it as a privilege to be trusted with someone’s loved one. 

Death is the only certainty in life. It’s daunting, and we often ignore it. But it can also bring out the best in people. It’s an opportunity for loved ones and service providers to honor others.

“I have come to appreciate humanity overall,” said Kaeli. “To lose someone is to also understand that you’ve loved,” she said.

So, Kaeli has learned to highlight the beauty in dark times (both literally and figuratively). This can change the way you take on life.

“Really be present,” she said.

Kaeli applies this principle to her service as well.

“The main piece that makes for success [as a funeral director] is you have to be an active listener.”

Some people just need to feel heard while others seek reassurance. Kaeli is experienced in coaching people through a highly emotional state. So, no need to be afraid of being vulnerable with your funeral director.

Still unsure about something?

“Funeral homes are always a call away,” said Kaeli.