Death is not just an end-of-life issue. Sure, you don’t have to deal with the aftermath, but your family does, and what will that mean for them?
Please allow me to draw your attention by painting a picture of worst-case scenarios after lack of preparation:
- You’ve been in a car accident. You’re on life support, and you may never wake up. Your loved ones are sitting together in the hospital cafeteria.
“What would Mom have wanted?” one daughter-in-law asks.
Your son mentions that, once, y’all were watching Million Dollar Baby, and you (offhandedly) remarked, “Pull the plug if that happens to me.”
Your daughter counters, “Three years ago when I told her that Sally killed herself, do you know what Mom said? No one should ever give up on life!”
Your kids are fighting over scraps of memories, wanting to honor you more than anything.
No one will ever be sure that they made the right decision.
- You’ve worked really hard to own a big and beautiful Forever Home. You’ve always dreamed of passing it down over generations. It’s your legacy. But, you signed up for Medicaid using a Special Needs Trust, because it was the only way you could afford 24/7 nursing home care for a Dementia diagnosis. Once you pass, the Medicaid Estate Recovery Program seizes your home to recoup expenses.
- You’re a single parent of an underaged child, and you’re a business owner. You pass, and the court system must decide what to do with everything you’ve left behind. Your next of kin is your estranged brother. You’re different in every way imaginable, but the court thinks it’s logical to award everything to him.
There are infinite exceptions and rules that feel impossible to completely consider. An expert lawyer can protect your family by helping you set up a quality estate plan.
Two thirds of Americans don’t have an estate plan at all! And of those Americans with estate plans, an even smaller percentage have one that works the way they intended.
Attorney Jay Williams understands: “Generally, most people want to put things off as long as they can.”
And regarding the prospect of his own death, he said, “I tend to sort of ignore it … You can’t do much about it!”
Despite his role as a Christian pastor, he doesn’t necessarily believe that our loved ones are playing golf in the sky and looking down on us.
He jokingly took a step back from that statement: “If I wake up and find out I am playing golf 24/7, then I will know I am in hell.”
He elaborated that heaven and eternal life are realities which begin today.
“Don’t wait until you are dead to start living the life God wants you to live,” he said. “Part of living that life is taking care of your loved ones, and that can be done by preparing for your passing so as not to leave burdens on them.”
An estate plan gives gifts, keepsakes, and heirlooms to loved ones. It mediates fights, honors your wishes, and protects your family.
Jay can attest, having worked at Felt Evans LLP in Clinton, NY since 1986.
And despite his striving to ignore death, he does spend mornings reading obituaries and asking his wife, “Guess who died?”
So… he’s prepared!
Naturally, he has his own estate plan. He put one together after marrying his wife in 2015. They brought three children each into their blended family, so they ensured that everyone would be provided for no matter what.
“Death brings out the best and worst in people,” said Jay.
“I’ve seen clients dive into dumpsters to retrieve some of dad’s stuff… Rolling on the floor at the funeral… fighting over a vase of holy water… People that don’t talk to each other… My grandmother wouldn’t speak to her brother because her mother had the audacity to divide the estate equally between them.”
As a pastor, Jay has provided comfort and guided eulogies at countless funerals. There, he’s seen his fair share of hysterics – from people screaming and getting thrown out to family members biting each other in a violent fit.
“We have to play referee. We’re supposed to be advocates for the people,” said Jay of coming to the aid of those who are in the throes of emotionally extreme times.
That is, an attorney can defend a decedent’s final wishes IF they’ve been drawn up. Jay doesn’t literally step between a gnawing woman and her brother.
Estate planning may involve handling forms that Jay considers necessities: a will, power of attorney, and health care proxy.
Consider updating these directives as you see changes in your family makeup, your health, your financial situation, or the law.
Some haven’t drawn up any paperwork yet due to the cost. A will can run $350-500.
“Everyone should have a will … It’s money well spent,” said Jay.
For seniors in financial need, it’s possible to qualify for a will grant through the Oneida County Office for the Aging (OFA). Jay knows this, because his passion for elder justice has led him to participating on the OFA Advisory Board for the past 15 years.
This is in addition to him presiding over the Board for Community Wellness Partners, which operates numerous CNY care facilities like the Katherine Luther Home and the Presbyterian Home.
Spending a portion of life in a facility is an inevitability for many Americans. This fact (for one) demands that we all ensure the quality of life that residents have – socializing, enjoying hobbies, etc.
For Jay, confronting aging and death are actually about living life.
It’s strengthened his perspective on what’s important in life… like being a good dad.
Because Jay has never seen anyone stand up at a funeral and say, “Boy… Bob had a really big house!”
Obviously, Jay is carried by his sense of humor. This is part of why he doesn’t let thoughts of death get him down.
“If you take it all too seriously – what’s the point?”
Ultimately, he has learned to enjoy each day, do his best, and help others. Even in the face of tragedy, life is joyous and it goes on.
Jay’s lightheartedness is seen in one beloved song that he quoted, “Great Gig in the Sky” by Pink Floyd:
I am not frightened of dying, you know
Any time will do, I don’t mind
Why should I be frightened of dying?
There’s no reason for it, you’ve gotta go sometime
We can all be a little less afraid of mortality by gaining preparation and familiarity through drawing up an estate plan with a lawyer.
