Utica’s Forest Hill invites the public for educational presentations on what to expect from a cemetery.
Frank Williams, President of the Cemetery’s Board of Trustees, broke the ice during a presentation on April 27th: “People are afraid that if they talk about death, it might happen to them.”
He paused.
“Well, guess what? There’s a lot of proof outside that it does happen.”
The attendants laughed. He then reassured everyone that, presently, there was no one in the crematory.
Frank offered a lot of helpful advice that anyone could use (regardless of which facility carries out your final wishes):
- Put it in writing! Whatever your directions may be, put them in your will! Many people pass without outlining their wishes, so family members argue over countless details. Honoring your wishes and your legacy are daunting responsibilities on top of being sad and stunted by the tragedy of your passing.
- A 2017 survey by the National Funeral Directors Association showed that 62.5% of consumers surveyed “felt it was very important to communicate their funeral plans and wishes to family members prior to their own death.” Yet, only 21.4% had done so.
- Burned or buried? These days, cremation is increasingly popular; people choose it at a rate of 40-50%. If it’s too hard to pick just one, then you could always have a service before the cremation!
- Can you afford to die? Every year, about 180 of Forest Hill’s burial plots are donated to the county, giving space to those who have passed without means to pay for their own resting place. Burials can’t take place until the lot is paid in full, so unfortunately, even posthumous responsibilities should be budgeted for! Hot tips:
- Most homeowners insurance policies will reimburse up to $5,000 if your headstone is damaged or stolen!
- Don’t buy your headstone off Amazon. I know we’re all struggling, but it’s your last chance to splurge. Go to a dealer you can trust.
- Is it the right cemetery for you? Consider your needs. Some smaller cemeteries may be closed to visitors in the winter, for example. Go on a tour to be sure that the place is a good fit.
- Knowing what you want out of funeral processions will help you pick the right cemetery, because they can tell you if they can fulfill your wishes.
- You want to make sure the cemetery is financially stable and well-maintained.
- Does the cemetery have a compatible religious or cultural affiliation?
- Does the cemetery take pride in what they do? Ex: Forest Hill regards their service as a “sacred obligation”.
Or instead, you can even have a private family cemetery on your own land.
- Some people don’t want to part even in death. When you get a burial plot, consider reserving some surrounding space for loved ones (even a pet) to eventually join you.
- Big picture – What should be the tone of your funeral? Your funeral can be an opportunity for loved ones to laugh, reminisce, celebrate life, and realign their perspective.
To be safe, also look into the reputation of the cemetery that you intend to use. On the extreme end, some have disrespectfully handled remains. NBC News reported that The Return to Nature Funeral Home in Colorado Springs improperly handled bodies and that Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia mislabeled tombs.
In light of that, take Frank and Forest Hill as a case study.
Frank has been the President of the Board of Trustees, a group of volunteers, since 2022. He grew up across the street from the cemetery and would play there as a child with his brother, David. Eventually, David joined the Forest Hill board, taking personal responsibility to care for his stillborn son, who was laid to rest there.
“We have a duty to the people who are buried there,” said Frank.
This duty dates back to the founding of Forest Hill in 1850. It was constructed in Victorian Gothic style.
Since then, the cemetery has kept the memories of its residents alive; workers still tell stories about them. Of course, it’s hard not to talk after spotting a mysterious blue orb!
The cemetery also offers eternal honor services such as headstone cleaning, flower planting, and holiday decorating.
“Your loved ones will be cared for for centuries to come.”
Forest Hill is in the process of gaining 501(c)(3) status to acknowledge its service to the local public, such as by acting like a walking park and an outdoor museum. Forest Hill is already in the National Register of Historic Places.
In part, Forest Hill is a historic monument because it keeps renowned figures such as the affluent Proctor family; the Proctors’ philanthropic efforts to enrich Utica are still seen in various institutions like parks and schools.
Aptly, Frank has made arrangements for his own passing. He’s picked out a burial plot. And he directed a reading of 1 Corinthians 13; he learned this passage as he was developing his public speaking skills:
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”
Additionally, Frank shared his views on death, from the perspective of a Presbyterian and a Mason.
“I do believe in immortality of the soul,” he said. While this is a comfort, he doesn’t pretend to know all the answers. “I’m not sure what that looks like,” he said.
But people don’t just have a belief that they’ll ascend into the astral plane. They also have the reassurance that they’ll leave behind a legacy. That’s why Frank hates seeing graves that don’t have headstones.
Human beings feel this innate need to be seen, even posthumously. Everyone needs something that says, I was here.
More important than remaining seen after death are the loved ones that see us while we’re alive.
“You’re with family to the end,” said Frank.
Frank himself has four children. While losing someone you love is even harder than dying, to care for someone in their final moments is an honorable responsibility.
But Frank’s intention is to show goodwill towards others throughout their lives as well.
“It’s important what you do for other people,” he said.
A building in your name will eventually be torn down, he pointed out. But good deeds have a perpetual domino effect.
On that note, Frank walks the walk…. He’s not just President of Forest Hill’s Board of Trustees. He’s also a SCORE volunteer and a counselor for parents of missing children. He often jokes that he’s the busiest retired person there is.
For those who want to join Frank in supporting Forest Hill, you can donate money or volunteer for errands such as monument cleaning.
